February...finally

It is officially February. The month of The Blob.

Rather exciting.

Although, I have to say he might go straight to prison from the womb for attempted murder. I do believe in one of the many vaginal ultrasounds, they somehow smuggled a knife in to him. It may be a box cutter, but it's definitely a sharp instrument.

And he uses it to inflict stabbing pains in my cervix. I have just sat here for the last hour while he amuses himself with the REPEATED paining of his mother. I thought for a moment -- HA -- that these might be dilating the old cervix. But since they last for about 3 seconds, I am going to go with negative on that.

See, these are indeed the things no one ever tells you about. I surely didn't read about this in "What To Expect When You're Expecting." Nor did it make the edition of the "Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy" that I invested in eight months ago.

Very similar to no one telling you that you will have a problem reaching to wipe after peeing in the month, that babies actually come out from between your ribs instead of between your legs and that you will go apeshit crazy trying to read into all the "signs" your body is going into labor.

On one of the message boards I belong to for February moms, we have collectively lost our minds with the impending labor. We post about bowel movements and twinges and Braxton Hicks contractions and rib pains and loss of appetites and our pets' paying extra attention to us. It's quite comical. And we all acknowledge our psychosis. We embrace it.

A good friend asked me yesterday if I was freaked out about having the baby any day now. And I said I really didn't think I could be. For the last 17 weeks, all we have heard is that the baby could come any day. I liken it to the little boy who cried wolf.

You can only hear that so many times before you become desensitized. So while in my rational mine I know he could come any minute, my irrational mind keeps saying, "Yeah, I will believe it when I see it. He ain't coming until May."

Maybe in honor of Groundhog Day tomorrow, The Blob will emerge, only to stick his head back in and decide to stay in for six more weeks of winter.