Gimme five

We had our last ultrasound this morning. The next time we see The Blob, he will be a real baby, not just an image on a monitor. That's kind of whack.

He was looking cute with his little lips pursed while he was sleeping. He was tired since I am a meanie mom and chewed some gum on our way to the appointment, so he was all hopped up and coming down from the sugar high.

Upon measuring him, we found he was weighing in at 4 pounds 14 ounces.

I wanted him at least 5 pounds so I am bummed out. Two stupid ounces shy of it, but still. They said he is fine and normal weight and ranks in the 33rd percentile and they normally only worry about anything under the 10th and over the 90th.

But ummm, hi, overachievers here. The 33rd percentile isn't even in the top half. If this was high school rankings, he would be headed to junior college. No child of mine will be in the bottom half of his class.

Is there an appeal process for this weight thing? Can he take a prep course and sit for the test again? Would flashcards help?

But we also got to see the doctor who performed my cerclage and he was all smiles and there was a festive mood all around. I told him I wasn't even on bedrest anymore and he said he was just so pleased to see me get to 34 weeks.

He also said there is no way to know if I will go into labor at 36 weeks when the stitches come out because sometimes the cerclage leaves scar tissue, which slows down dilation.

Now as a Type-A freakomatic freaker outer, I really want to know what day I will go into labor. In my mind, the stitch has been the only thing holding this kid in for the last 14 weeks. When they take out the stitch, logic tells me my cervix should part like the Red Sea and this child should pop right out.

Get the hot water and towels ready, here he comes.

But not so much. Which is annoying not only for my general controlling impulses, but also because HELLO MY HUSBAND WORKS OUT OF TOWN. How am I supposed to get through the uncertainty of going into labor when he is not here?

I am fa-reaking out about the possibility I will have to go to the hospital without him. I will feel so pitiful and sorry for myself if I don't have my husband with me. I know, I know, plenty of women give birth without their husbands.

But I really want mine here for the full effect of the labor. I want him to see the pain and suffering, to see the epidural needle, to see the placenta. He needs to experience it all because I need witness to my plight.