It's a boy

We are back from the ultrasound and we can say with 80 percent certainty that it's going to be ... a BOY!

The ultrasound was much different than I thought it would be. They took us right away -- no waiting and the tech just took us back in the room and we got right down to it.

I told her right away that we were crazy to find out the sex. She told us it was a little early, but I said I hoped we could take a guess.

She started out looking at the baby as a whole, and it's crazy how big it's gotten just since the last ultrasound. It doesn't even look like a blob anymore. It has a HUGE head. And it looks like an alien when you look at it straight on. So I don't think we'll be showing people that shot, lest we frighten them into sterility.

But she checked out some stuff and showed us the heart and then the brain and then the tummy. And then she went in for a look at the goods and she said, "Well if I had to guess, I would say boy." And she showed us the little goods and said sometimes girls can be swollen at this stage and it can appear they are boys, but she showed us what looked like boy parts and said she would say she was 80% sure.

"But don't go out and buy all blue stuff just yet."

Then she checked out the kidneys and the intestines and some other stuff, gave us a really good profile shot and we could see the baby waving at us! Like "Hey, I am over here. Gimme some love, high five."

And then it even did a sommersault for us, which was crazy. I mean I can't feel a thing and the tech remarked, "You have an active baby there."

And she also said it was measuring about five days ahead. Which is crazy. I think we're going to have a big baby, just like it's dad (who is over six feet). Now we'll just have to bulk him up and tie his right hand behind his arm. Because, you know, they'll let any left-hander pitch in the Major Leagues these days.

I thought I would be sad it wasn't a girl. But I was so excited. I guess what they say is true -- it doesn't matter what it is, you are just happy it's a baby.

My sister, Beth, was so excited. She was in Target when I called her and she immediately went to purchase a boy outfit. My mom was super excited and my dad seemed like he would have been happy either way, but was pleased to just find out what it was.

Now I can start shopping for cute little boy stuff and buy things like footballs and Nerf hoops.

Thanks

I would like to take this opportunity to thank my husband.

This man has been a saint through this pregnancy. He was there when I took the test (OK, he was sleeping in the next room, but he was notified 2.4 seconds after I saw the two lines), he was there when we thought there was not going to be a baby (and he said all the right things), he was there for the debilitating sickness (and he felt appropriately horrified for me) and he's been there for all my doctor appointments (he has witnessed a pelvic exam, albeit, from behind my head).

The other night? He went to the store at midnight so I could have bottled water the next morning. Last week? He brought me flowers for no reason. Last night he indulged my want of cheeseburgers on the grill and even though he did not want cheeseburgers on the grill, he went and bought the makings so I could have them.

Sure, he has pissed me off. I even told him to just stop talking because I could not stand the sound of his voice. He has silly ideas about the placement of the new fridge in the new kitchen.

IT'S NOT GOING IN THE CLOSET, GIVE IT UP.

But he is always there. He always listens to me bitch. And he always gets me smoothies when I want them.

What more could I ask for?

What's that smell?

Yesterday was quite the adventure in our house.

Our cat, Lucy, the one we used to call "the little one" until she got so fat that her stomach hangs and flaps around when she walks, was cuddling on my lap while I worked.

And she seemed fine, normal even. She was lying on my arm while I tried to type so I did what any self-respecting cat owner would do and I tried to type one-handed. Because I am loving like that.

And then the SMELL commenced. At first I thought maybe the cat just farted. Then I realized, no, that's lasting too long.

So I followed the smell into the cats' bedroom. Yes, the cats have their own bedroom. We're two people living in a two-bedroom corporate apartment. We spoil them.

As the smell got stronger, I followed it to the cats' bathroom. Yes, they have their own bathroom too. Shut it.

And there I discovered the stench of death. Supersonic olfactory pregnant woman was immediately knocked out of the room, staggering for air, air damn it! I covered my face with the neck of my T-shirt and went back in, hoping for cover in case I needed backup.

I saw the kitty diarrhea and realized my morning was ruined.

Of course, I have no idea at this point who is sick. I have not seen either of the cats slink into the litter box and it's not like I would have paid attention before the stench anyway. And the stench was even worse than normal as whomever the culprit was did not take the time to cover this with other litter.

So I find Lucy and inspect her. Yep, there's some yellow kitty poop on her fur. Perfect.

Let's review: kitty diarrhea, horrible death smell, litter needs to be cleaned, pregnant, can't touch kitty litter, home alone, facing death from smell. Did I mention the smell?

So I go into the kitchen and I sheath my hands and forearms in gallon Ziploc bags. And I grab the scooper and scrape some litter over the poop. Success! I then walk around the entire bathroom and cat room area spraying air freshener. The same air freshener that has been outlawed in this house for the last nine weeks because the smell makes me nauseous. But it was the lesser of two evils at this point.

As I am smugly congratulating myself on resolution of this issue, I notice that Lucy has also puked. In three places. Even more hilarity ensues.

So I clean that up, while she tries to nose in and "help" me.

And that's when it hit me. This is going to be my life in a mere six months. Cleaning up someone else's poop and puke. Except it will be every day. All day.

No one tells you this stuff

When one person acts like an idiot to another, pregnant person, that pisses the pregnant person off. I'm just sayin'. Don't piss off the pregnant woman.

I think the Blob is punching me. Like all the time. I get these random, weird cramps all day long. Like it lasts for a second and then goes away. Happens again a few minutes later. It's like a little twinge pain lower in my stomach area.

Obviously it's the uterus growing and stretching and pushing my organs up into my throat. That should make it so much easier to digest food. I mean if it goes down my throat and only has to travel 2 inches to my intestines, you would think that would be good.

The movement of the internal organs is a little freaky. Like where could they possibly go? There's really not that much room. And the ab muscles! I hear your ab muscles separate and just "move to the side." What!?

How will I sit up if my abs are on the side? Why do your muscles do that? It's just weird.

I feel like there's this whole secret society of people who know what happens to your body when you are pregnant and no one ever tells you. There is so much you don't know until it happens and then all these women just nod their heads and smile. "Oh yes, I remember that."

Dude, if you remember, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I mean it's enough that the boobs are getting ridiculously large. You could have told me about the cramps and the soreness and the fact your hip feels like it is falling out of the socket when you get up in the morning.

I have a friend who is 31 weeks pregnant and while she is big, she's not HUUUUUGE. But she's so much bigger than me and we're only 17 weeks difference. In 17 weeks I am going to get THAT big? Jaysus. I'll be a lot bigger if I continue to eat like crap.

Two days ago I ate two lunches. The first was at noon, when I ate about a half-cup of leftover spaghetti. At 2 p.m. I thought I might starve to death, so I busted out a BLT. It was great. But two lunches? I ain't going to keep it to 2 pounds like that.

Reveal thyself

Had my 14-week appt one week early. Heard heartbeat on the doppler (160 BPM) and have only gained 2 pounds since getting pregnant. Yay for me.

We also are crazed to find out what we are having. Will it be a boy? A girl? A kitten? Come on, tell us already. So my doctor gave us a referral to the antenatal ultrasound department.

We moseyed downstairs to the second floor to a room full of pregnant women and realized this would be an appointment-making venture, not a gender-viewing venture. So our appointment for that is in almost two weeks, Aug. 26, when I will be one day shy of 15 weeks. We can always see more at the Level II ultrasound five weeks after that if The Blob refuses to reveal itself.

I also have the awesomest doctor EVER. We were chatting about work, and I told her how stressful it is about to become. A coworker is leaving and I am taking over the extremely difficult portion of her workload. This portion involves much gnashing of the teeth and wailing. It's bad.

It also involves a psycho-demanding person who wants everything done now now NOW. Even if it is 10 p.m. That becomes very difficult for me, the one who goes to bed at 9 p.m. I have spoken up in advance and said that I cannot work such insane hours and was met with skepticism.

So my awesome doctor said nope, not going to be good for the baby, and wrote me up a fabulous note saying I can only work for eight hours a day! Now granted, I work at home on the computer, but it's pretty stressful and I just don't think it's good for the baby. So I am holding the note in reserve until I get a lot of flack at night and then I shall bust it out.

So all in all, good appointment.

Dr. Feelgood

Dare I say, I have had several good nausea-free days in a row. Like four to be exact. And I know I am probably jinxing myself, but I think I may have turned a corner.

Just like that, I woke up at 12 weeks and felt better. It was very odd. And since I listen to The Blob all the time, I know it's fine and dandy and it's very much alive in there. Today it was moving around when I listened as if to say, "MOM, knock that shit off."

I have read babies do not like the Doppler because it annoys them, but come on, this kid is going to spend much of its pre-adult life annoying me, I can annoy it a little en utero.

The cats are freaked out by the Doppler.

Max jumped up on the bed when we were listening the other night with a total concerned look on his face. He was sniffing the speaker and generally trying to figure out what in the holy hell is that noise? Lucy would not even come into the room. She stayed in the doorway and looked like she wanted to swat something because she was so scared, but she had no idea what to swat. So she just hung out nervously.

So now with the hearing of the heartbeat and the kind of being in the second trimester, I feel pretty calm. I say kind of because my pregnancy site says I am in the second tri in my profile, but I have read other places it does not start until 13w3d and still others at 14 weeks.

I'm not a girl, yet not a woman, along with Britney, I guess. I am a tweener.

But the good thing is I only gained one pound during my first 12 weeks. Which is, ya know, awesome. The nausea was good for something, I guess. I read online today that some women gained 12 pounds! Twelve pounds in the first 12 weeks. Were they hiding watermelons in their pants? Eating nothing but Snickers morning, noon and night?

Not that there's anything wrong with gaining weight. In fact, I applaud it. Just not for me, right now. I have enough trouble with my clothes not fitting. I can't imagine how I would be looking with extra weight on me.

So I'm sure since my weight gain is at a miminum, that I can visit Dairy Queen every night from now on right?

My heart going boom boom boom

Yesterday Josh stole the car keys from me. I asked him twice if he left them, he assured me both times that he had.

Except, yeah, he hadn't.

Klepto.

So I am sitting here on the couch cursing his name when the DHL man comes to the door. WITH MY BABY DOPPLER!

Instantly, I stopped the crabbing about the keys and started wishign he would hurry up and come home. I sat and stared at the box all afternoon until he returned. I even made him rip open the box because I was so impatient and couldn't get the damn tape off.

So we started out really low. Just above the pubic bone. Nothing.

I could hear my heartbeat (slow) and we could hear the placenta, which oddly enough, sounds like wind whistling in a tree. Seriously.

So after messing around for like 10 minutes down low, I decided to try a little higher. What could that hurt?

So I lubed 'er up and stuck it about halfway down from my bellybutton.

Voila.

Right away we heard the heartbeat!

We both had these crazy grins on our faces and I think it must have been a little dusty in here because I got teary and we just hung out and listened to it for a few minutes. Then we recorded it for our parents and sent them an e-mail and they all freaked out as well. Josh counted the heartbeat and we think it was in the 150s, which is perfect.

Best $30 I ever spent. If you are interested, you can rent them from babybeat.com for between $40-25 a month. Great, great idea. Now someone needs to start selling home ultrasound machines and they would be millionaires.

Maybe that's what I will do. I will find someone to do the technology and then I will market it to all the crazed pregnant ladies who want way more ultrasounds that they can ever get from their docs, and I can retire in three years.

Giddyup.

We are moved

What a week...

First our anniversary, which we spent the daylight hours demolishing the walls downstairs in the new house. (Pictures coming soon)

Then we went to dinner at Joe's Stone Crab for the big anniversary and came to the new house and spent the night. We did the traditional thing and ate our wedding cake and let me tell you -- it tasted as good as it did the night of the wedding! We had cheesecake and when our cakes were made, they made us a replica of the small cake Josh and I shared. They wrapped it really well and froze it immediately, and it sat in my mom's freezer for the last year.

Year-old cheesecake, it's a good thing.

And then the terrible, awful move began Monday morning. The movers arrived at 9:20 a.m. and they left at 7:15 p.m. for the final time. It was hot, it was long, it was hard. They were three really nice guys but they scratched/chipped one of the new dark wood dressers and dented the SHIT out of a stainless steel fridge we moved back to the old house.

So we have to file claims. Fun.

In a Blob update, the Blob was not so fond of the move. Or it is growing. But either way, it was feeling a little bit stretchy in the uterus department. Nothing major, but annoying. And the stomachal region -- yes it is much larger.

The sickness, it continues, albeit less so. I still get nauseaus but it's definitely not an all-day thing. But it's enough to annoy me. And to make me get smoothies every day.

You see, one of the things that helps is Jamba Juice. And only the Berry Lime Sublime flavor will help me ease the sickness. And since we've been in Chicago all week, the tab has been adding up. I have a $4 a day habit. That is getting hefty.

But it's good! And helpful! And good for baby!

OK this was a lame-ass entry. Sorry for the lack of effort, but the energy, it's just not there.