On being pregnant

I belong to an online mom's group of all women who gave birth in February 2006. There's about 75 of us that have maintained almost daily contact since we conceived those children and it's a great group of women. I have learned things from them I would never have known otherwise and have even met some of them in real life.

Today, someone asked about how we feel when pregnant. A lot of women will have you believe that pregnancy is sunshine and rainbows shooting out of your ass for nine months.

Before I really get into this, I would first like to preface this by saying I am sorry if I offend anyone struggling with infertility. After my sister went through this for three years, I assure you, I have seen the pain it causes. I know I am lucky to have gotten pregnant twice.

But for me, being pregnant is definitely not sunshine and rainbows and puppy dogs and fields of clover. It's stressful and hard.

Some women fly through all three trimesters with nary a complaint. But they don't know what it's like to check for spotting every time you use the restroom. Because I can tell you, there is no feeling like the half-second of dread as you get ready to check the TP and interpret what you see. Is that spotting? Is that normal? Oh shit, it IS spotting. Well how much spotting is it? Is it really there or are my eyes playing tricks?

Every twinge and muscle pain in the lower half of my abdomen sends me into panic mode. Is that a contraction? Shit, it WAS a contraction. Was that another one? How far apart are they? How much water did I drink today? Are my pants too tight? What could be causing contractions? Sweet mother of God, should I call the OB? I really don't want to go in and get monitored. They'll just send me home anyway.

I would say this pregnancy I am much more laid back, but at the same time, I also know the drill. If I start contracting, I drink water and lie on my side. If I feel pressure, I lie down. I know what "normal" Braxton Hicks contractions feel like vs. the crampy-contractions that can cause cervical change. I know what to look for. I know what I should not be feeling.

So for me, I really can't say I enoy pregnancy. It puts a strain on my family. My mom and my mother-in-law have to switch off weeks to come and stay with us, because I can't lift Jack in or out of his high chair and crib. Have you tried essentially living with your mother or mother-in-law for 40 weeks? It's not easy. But thank God for both of them. Without help, I don't know how we would do it.

I guess I am rambling and it's not all that amusing or funny, but it feels good to be able to say I have a problem enjoying my pregnancies.