The nose knows

Recent things I have learned in Mommy 101:

If your child has a cold, he will need his nose suctioned out, but he will scream and try to get away from you if you try to do it. Even though he can't properly breathe without your assistance.

Same child will happily walk around with snotty crust on his face, while you beg him to please just let you wipe his face already. PLEASE? Just once?

If you try to suction said child's nose at 4 a.m. so he can nurse and breathe at the same time, he will scream hysterically. And kick you. In the face.

The neighbors will probably love you.

Or not.

If you try to distract your child by giving him his own Kleenex to hold, he will shred it into teeny-tiny pieces. And then try to eat them. And clamp his mouth shut and toddle away from you when you try to remove the shreds from his mouth.

You think you have the upper hand, what with this being his 400th cold of the year, but you will lose the battle of the baby snot. It will not easily come out when you try to suction it, but the minute you put the aspirator away, it will leak down his face in a river of snot.

You will have no qualms about wiping your child's snot on your own jeans when you run out of Kleenex.

But you will be grossed out when he sticks the aspirator in his mouth while playing with it.