Itch, itch, scratch

My toes, they itch.

It's the damn weirdest thing. All summer long, I wore flip flops and sandals. I think my toes might have been covered a few times when I was working in the yard, but for the most part, they were going commando all summer. They were happy feet. Itch-free.

Along comes the fall and I switch to socks and boots. I don't even think I own a pair of regular shoes. Is that odd? It's all boots, flip flops, sandals and dressy heels.

Anyway.

So I cover the toes with my socks and shoes and I get this weird itching. They're not red. There are no weird bumps. They just itch. All. The. Damn. Time.

Right now as I sit here, I feel the dull sensation of needing to scratch. My toes are calling to me, "Help us! Help us!" I am fighting the urge because, damn, I can't type and scratch. And scratching one foot with the other is not as satisfactory.

Josh asked me if I googled this ailment. Well duh. Of course I did. I was able to ascertain I don't have athlete's foot because that is itching between your toes. I don't have a fungus, because there's no outward sign of anything gross or icky looking. I just have the itchies.

It's the worst in the middle of the night. Last night I fed Jack at 3:30 and I came back to bed and tried to fall asleep. Except I kept scratching my damn toes. And of course the itching is intensified by 1,000 in the middle of the night because that's all you can concentrate on.

Google was also a little scary. You never know when you might stumble upon some totally effed-up foot fetish site. I can only imagine the scary-ass traffic I am going to end up with from this post.

So if you know anything about itchy toes, could you help a sister out? So far, my idea of dabbing a little hydrocortisone on them is not helping.