One Month

Dear Jack,

Today you are one month old. I can't believe an entire month has gone by with you in our lives. I can't even remember what it was like before we had you. I know people always say that about their children, and I always thought it was a load of crap, but now I know what they meant.



You have changed my life forever. I am a mom now. I am responsible for you. I am the one who feeds you and clothes you and comforts you and tortures you with baths.

During the last month you have rolled over twice, smiled many times (but always in your sleep) and survived a 48-hour hospital stay because you were cold.

You are still sleeping in a basinette at the foot of our bed and waking up every three hours to take in a little boob. You don't really nap in your basinette, however, as we hold you when you sleep because you're too cute to put down.

You love the "Belly Button Book," "Brown Bear, Brown Bear" and "Danny and the Dinosaur" and we read them to you about 147 times a day. You also love it when we make up words to various childrens songs ("Old MacDonald had a farm, ey eye ey eye o, and on that farm he had an alligator, ey eye ey eye o..."). While I also like to sing you "The Wheels on the Bus" and make up words, Daddy likes to sing you "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" and "Zippity Do Dah." I think you like his songs better, because he has more of a range.

You are not so fond of the baths, as I mentioned before. In fact, you scream bloody murder when we immerse you in the water and act as if we are brandishing a cattle prod on your little butt. We have tried suspending you above the water, placing you in the water, covering you, uncovering you, heating the bathroom and bathing you in the kitchen. But you are having none of it. But you quiet right down once we swaddle you in your little hooded towel and look around as if to say "What was all that fuss about?"



You are beginning to not mind the diaper changes so much. You only cry about 50 percent of the times we change you now. At first, when we brought you home, the mere thought of taking your diaper off would send you into hysterics. But now, there are times you just look at the lights and don't seem to mind at all. Progress!

The nursing is getting better too. At first, you wouldn't latch on or if you did, you would fall asleep without eating. So you had to drink from a cup. You looked so cute when you lapped at the milk Daddy would feed you. Then we got you breastfeeding properly and you got the hang of things. We felt confident introducing you to a bottle during your second week and since then, you've taken pumped milk in a bottle from Daddy every night.



But you still have some issues getting the party started with the boobs. You thrash around, getting your hands in your mouth and turning your face away. Once you figure out that hey! there's a nipple in my mouth!, you make the funniest face where you screw your little features up as if to say "Nooooooooooo" and try to push yourself away, until the milk hits the back of your throat and you immediately calm down. I call it the "Jackie nursing face."

Just this week you have started placing your hands on me when you nurse. You pat me as if to say, "This is nice." I can't tell you at how endearing this little movement is. It's something you share only with me and I am secretly glad no one else will ever have that moment with you.



You have grown a whole pound since you were discharged from the hospital and you look so different in just the last month. You have thinned out in your face since you were born and I think you now look like a mix of your Daddy and me. But I still think you look a little more like me, than Daddy, especially your nose and mouth.

You are so light in my arms when I hold you, and when you are eating, I look down at you and try to burn the image into my mind forever. You will never be this little again and I know I will forget so many of the little things you do or the looks you give us or the even the way you smell right now. I want to keep you this little forever so I can protect you and keep you close to me. I want you to know how much we love you and how much joy and pride this first month has brought us.



I look at the things you do with amazement and pride. I can't even complain when you wake up at 3 a.m. because your little face is just so cute, it melts my heart and I forget how tired I am and how much I do not want to be trekking into another room to change your diaper. You look up at me with your little dark eyes with your head moving back and forth, but I when I kiss you after I pick you up, you settle right down.

Last weekend, you outgrew your green Frog sleepersack. It snapped up the front and you just got too long to snap it up anymore. It won't be the last outfit you outgrow, but it was the first. And I was a little sad when I realized how fast you are growing -- and growing up. You will never be this little again. So I am trying to remember it all. And do a good job of raising you and giving you everything you need.



Love,
Mommy