Two-week notice

Yesterday, we made our 3,622nd trip to the pediatrician's office for Jack's two-week doctor appointment. And while I do love me some visits to the doctor, seriously, CAN WE STOP WITH THE DOCTOR VISITS ALREADY?

I have seen a doctor every week since the third week of September. For those of you playing along at home, that means I have gone 20 consecutive weeks. Five months of weekly visits.

Please stick a fork in my eyeball.

So I was hoping for some good news. A respite, perhaps, from the weekly grind.

We walk in and they ushered us directly to a room and the doctor followed us in. So far, this was better than my OB appointments, where I waited up to 90 minutes to be seen. Score one for the pediatrician.

He asked us if we had any questions, quizzed us about Jack and said he would weight him and that would be that. They like to see babies back at their birth weights by 2 weeks, but if they're not, it's not a huge catastrophe.

Jack was born at 6 lbs 11 oz. He was down to 6 lbs 3 oz at his 4-day doctor appointment. So he would have needed to gain 8 ounces in 12 days. Which, unfortunately, he did not. He gained 5 ounces, putting him at a whopping 6 lbs 8 ounces.

The doc said he was not overly concerned because of his little hospital stay. The stress, coupled with the heat lamp that we think dehydrated the crap out of him, might not have been the best thing for gaining the weight.

Well that, and he's trying out the Atkins Diet. He misses those carbs, but damnit, he will be beach-ready for this summer.

So we have to go back. AGAIN. Next week. For a weight check. On the plus side, the doc said we don't have to pay him for that visit. Well giddy up. That's $15 mommy can spend on a bottle of wine. Or a manicure.

In the meantime, he directed us to keep breastfeeding on demand and waking him up during the night to feed. Had he gained that extra 3 measly ounces, we could have gotten a full night's sleep. Oh but no.

So this weekend we are giving Jack protein shakes and making him drink raw eggs. he will be hitting the gym for some heavy lifting. I am thinking he'll work legs on Saturday and arms on Sunday. I think his abs look good, so we'll let him slide on those. And no cardio -- we need to fatten him up.

Jack says, "No way. I am sleeping in."