Boo!

First off, Happy Halloween. I have candy for the nurses and a little pumpkin my sister brought for me. I am v festive. And the favorite on the floor. I mean come on, everyone loves candy. And candy from a woman with a faulty cervix? Why that must be the best kind of all.

You may ask why I am still in the hospital. Last you heard, I was being sprung today.

HA. Ha hahahaha. Hahahahaha. Ha. Ha.

I knew they were just stringing me along. My surgeon came to see me on Saturday and they let him give me the great news that I would be here for a while. He said "until 26 weeks," which of course we all know means "You ain't breaking outof here until we pry the stitches out of your cold, dead cervix at 36 weeks or until you pop that kid out."

So here I shall remain for the next few weeks. But it's really not all that bad AND to be honest with you, it's kind of nice to be out of the house. What with the walls not being up and the fireplace exposed to the chimney pipe.

I get some yummy food and it's not all that bad. Drawback: I have to use dialup internet. So a wee bit slow (a blazing 56k on a good day) but better than nothing.

So I saved the good news for everyone who's eyeballs are not bleeding from boredom until the end.

I had an ultrasound today and TA-DA, I am the master cervix grower. I went from1.2 back to 1.5 with the hospital bedrest. YAY ME!

My doc says this is not a good indicator because lengths are dynamic and can change, but it's about as good as we can hope for right now. So that is awesome.I am also allowed to get the IV block taken out, so basically I just hang out and a nurse brings me my hypertension drugs three times a day. That's a very nice side effect: the anti-contraction meds will keep my arteries free and clear. More bacon fat please?

The Blob is also growing nicely. He's now 1.9 pounds and he's measuring right on date. His head is directly on the old cervix, but we figure it's better than him kicking the shit out of it, so we have that going for us.

So Josh is heading out to San Diego this evening for three nights for his conference and everyone is happy happy. He gets to go work and learn (and eat fish tacos in San Diego and drink beers with his work friends, the lucky bastard) and I will incubate The Blob for a few days.

Hospital...again

Back to the hospital we go.

I went for my weekly ultrasound today and it was -- shocker -- not great news.

The cervix, it is even more incompetent than last week. Last week -- 1.5. This week -- 1.2. Seriously, this needs to stop. The incompetency is ridiculous. If this was "Survivor" my cervix would have been voted off the island.

My surgeon was not there today, so in his place the head of Maternal Fetal Medicine reviewed my scan. She conferred with my OB and decided it was best to have me stay in the hospital for at least a night. They want to monitor me and make sure I am not having contractions I can't feel. They are also giving me steroid shots to help mature The Blob's lungs.

So I got a nice needle right in the old buttocks and I get another one in 24 hours. Hopefully that will have him breathing through gills or some shit. In any case, he would have a better chance.

When I first arrived, there was some question as to whether I could even use the bathroom on my own. Ummm. Yeah. But that was quickly cleared up and the verdict was me and 1.2 cm of thickness could indeed get up to pee.

The resident gave me the impression I might be here longer than just 24 hours. We shall see. I would not be all that jacked up about spending the next seven weeks in the hospital. Granted, it would be easier as no one would have to take care of me at home, but what a drag.

Also a drag because PEOPLE, THERE IS NO INTERNET HERE. I can get an intermittent signal from some random connection in the neighborhood, but I believe it is powered by gerbils. So not the best.

I am posting on the gerbil network now, so we shall see if this continues.

More fun is to come I am sure...

Marketing genius

My sister, Beth, and I determined today that I should make T-shirts for women afflicted with the incompetency of the cervix.

A few ideas:

"I Have Incompetent Cervix -- Deal With It Motherfuckers"

"Rocking Cervical Incompetency Since 2005"

"I'm With the Incompetent Cervix" (Complete with an arrow pointing downward and diagonally toward the person next to you. See - fun for partners and/or friends!)

"My Cervix Dilated at 20 Weeks and All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt"

"Hard Rock Cervix" (with various city names)

"WWMCD" (What Would My Cervix Do)

"Future Mrs. Pre-Term Labor"

"Got Cervix?"

"Abercrombie & Cervix"

"Bedrest Bitch"

"FCUK My Cervix" (God, I do love me some French Connection UK)

"I (heart) My Cervix"

Role reversal

I think that bedrest is hard on a marriage.

I have always been the one who did the shit around the house. I did the laundry, I cleaned the bathroom, I wiped down the counters, I Windexed the glass coffee table, I made the dinner and brought it to Josh with a glass of milk.

That's how it worked and I might have made fun of him about him not doing the laundry or not cleaning the table off so I had a place to put his dinner plate, but it was our system.

Josh, on the other hand, did mostly the outside chores and the house stuff. To be sure, he did the vacuuming and the floor cleaning, but he also did the lawnmowing and the deck staining and the fixer-upper stuff.

And now, he has to take it all on. And I know I am "helping" by lying here gestating The Blob and all, but obviously I am not pulling my weight.

We just moved into a house that needs so much work it is ridiculous. There is enough to keep up busy and in the poor house for many, many weekends to come. And Josh is trying to keep everything under control and get the outside of the house ready for winter.

While I, I who can only lie on the couch or the bed and stare at my surroundings, focuses on the interior. And the fact we have studs, not walls, downstairs and that we still have not ordered our kitchen cabinets that take six to eight weeks to simply arrive at our home, not to mention the time it takes to install them and the rest of the kitchen.

In addition to all of this, Josh also has to get all of my meals and snacks, make sure I have water, drive me to doctor's appointments, listen to me freak out about Braxton Hicks contractions, do my laundry, listen to me freak out about cramping, work from home two days each week, listen to me freak out about a preemie baby and generally play the role of bitch.

And it's not that I am ungrateful. I appreciate everything he does very much. But it's still hard because he thinks I lie here telling him what to do. This weekend we had a tiff about house repair priorities. He was hurt I don't acknowledge the tasks he does on the outside of the house and I was hurt he thinks lying in bed all day is easy.

I have a little jealousy. He gets to leave here for two days each week and escape to the apartment in Bloomington and work. His life is normal for those days -- he goes to the office, goes to lunch, hangs out. This past weekend he was in a wedding and he got to escape for two glorious nights. There was fun and drinking and fun. Did I mention the fun? Next week, he will go to San Diego for five nights. And I? Will still be here in bed hoping the baby does not fall out of my goddamn incompetent cervix at 24 weeks gestation.

I am jealous he is going, yes. He gets to have fun and I don't. He might think it’s not fair that I get four months off work and lie around all day. But the grass is always greener, I guess.

I just want it to be over. I want to reach 36 weeks and get my stitches out and walk around in maternity clothes and look cute and get pedicures for my aching feet. I want to go into labor and get my epidural and have a pink, healthy baby who will breathe on his own and go home with us after three days. I want my normal life back.

No more working on the railroad

Damn you, rat bastard incompetent cervix. (Shaking my fist skyward)

I had my weekly ultrasound today and I smugly jumped onto the table, ready for the dildocam. I am a 3, I thought to myself. I am invincible. I can not be stopped. I am awesome.

And the tech was looking and looking and looking some more. I was trying to sneak a peek, but of course I had no idea what I was looking at.

Then she asked me if I had been having any pressure.

"You mean as in now, or in general?" I asked.

In general, she said.

Nope, all good here.

So she really starts maneuvering the wand to get a good picture. I ask her what it is and she says 1.5. WHAT!? But I am a 3! Tres! There is no stopping me.

So she does some compression and takes another measurement. I ask what it was and she said she would have to show the doctor.

Before she went to get him, we had a quick look at the Blob. He was lying face down, looking towards my toes. He had one hand behind his back, on his butt, and his other in front, grabbing his foot. We got to see him swallow and stick his tongue out and got two really good profile shots.

She also did a quick measurement and said he weighs 1lb 3oz and is measuring right on date. So he's good.

So the doctor came in after reviewing the films and said I should try not to get discouraged. But obviously, that's hard when I lost half my thickness. I asked him for a number and he said he did not want to quantify it, I just needed to know it was shorter.

So I told him that I had been sitting up -- a lot -- this week because I had a lot going on with work. And Josh asked about work and how it was affecting this. The doctor said I need to look at it in terms of if something happened, how would I feel about it if I had been working. He said he would recommend half time or stopping.

So we decided I would stop work. My last day will be tomorrow and then I will be off until after my maternity leave ends after the baby comes. I am taking two weeks of vacation to start, then my short-term disability kicks in for 12 weeks at 100% of my salary. So that gets me to 37 weeks.

If I have not had the baby by then, I start long-term disability at 50% of my salary and that lasts until my doctor releases me from maternity leave after the birth.

So I am probably not going to work again for four months. FREAKY!

So lots of lying-down bedrest, lots of surfing, lots of reading, lots of TV, lots of Netflix.

Bust out the non-alcoholic champagne, me thinks this calls for a celebration of sorts. Although, truth be told, while the thought of an extended vacation is fun, it's probably going to suck.

For all my bitching about it, work makes the day go by faster. It helps to have people to chat with on IM. I like being in on the work gossip. Now my days will likely stretch before me like an endless black hole.

OK that might be a slight exaggeration. We shall see.

Doctor Feelgood

More frequent flyer miles were earned today. This time, my OB was the lucky recipient of my gleeful presence.

Doctor day! Oh my God! Time to get dressed up. Makeup is busted out. I shower AND shave my legs. I wore mascara for God's sake. This was a special occasion.

And awesome -- we had to wait. As I was coming out with my urine sample, she told me she had to run down to the OR and would be back shortly. Normally, I would be exasperated. But 45 minutes waiting? No problem! Happy to do it. Take your time!

This meant 45 more minutes of freedom. Granted my surroundings could have been a little more visually appealing -- I mean how many times can you stare at the diagram of a uterus? But no complaining here. Nosireebob.

The appointment was actually full of intrigue and adventure.

Would I have gained any weight? What was my blood pressure? Would she spring me from bedrest? Would I know the winning answer to the $64,000 Pyramid final question?????

Well I have gained 7 pounds, which she says is fantastic. My BP was model patient, as always. And in the most exciting news since I found out Katie and Tom were with child, she announced it would be acceptable for me to go out to restaurants. As in OUT OF THE HOUSE TO A PLACE WHERE I CAN DRESS CUTE!!!!! And I can eat at a real table, sitting up.

This was grand excitement and I promptly crowed about it to my mom and Josh's mom. And they wanted to hear nothing of it. But as I told my mom, "Are you a medical doctor? Do you know better?"

So I am looking forward to my first big trip. You see, Josh is in a wedding this weekend. And the reception, well that's a dinner isn't it? It's just a dinner with dancing afterward. Josh thought maybe I could come to the dinner if I got dropped off and went in and sat right down and then went home.

So we are going to ask my high-risk doc after the dildo-camming on Thursday. If he says yes, it looks like I might get to eat cold chicken and dry cake! I have never looked so forward to a meal in all my life.

Looking good

Doctor appointment was lovely.

Stitches still nice and tight. Cervix still measuring 3. No infection. Baby was sleeping.

The doctor who performed my surgery came in to see us and said everything is looking great and keep on doing what I am doing and we'll be back next week for another ultrasound.

So that was good.

For the first time in this entire process I got a positive vibe from him. He said these are the critical weeks, but it looks good for now.

Still resting

The cervix, it is still resting in bed.

I felt I needed to post something, but I really have nothing new to say.

Doc appointment in the a.m. tomorrow. I am hoping it will be status quo at 3. We shall see.

Today, I got a little crazy and went to perform my bedrest on the couch downstairs. Josh's sister, Marnie, stayed overnight with me and all day today. While she went home for a condo meeting for a few hours, my friend, Leah, came to hang out and we had some dinner.

I am missing the big bachelorette extravaganza for Samantha in Door County this weekend. I am bummed. Maybe more bummed than I am to potentially be missing the wedding itself. Nice Matron of Honor I am. I won't even be at the wedding. No train fixing, no marriage license signing, no walking down the aisle, no cake.

NO CAKE!

The injustice of it all.

To the hospital, Jeeves

Another day, another visit to the hospital. I should get frequent flier miles for all these visits.

We made ourselves a little trip to Labor and Delivery last night and everything is fine, but they were chastising me for sitting up too much.

I logged off work at 5:15 p.m. content to call it a day. I mean it was my first day back. And I worked a lot! OK, I was online all day. But there was much catching up to do and IMing to perform. Sue me.

I was feeling this bizarre pressure. Kind if like there was an air bubble in the ole' crotch. Almost like, well, maybe the baby was in there or something. And of course, my paranoid self could not resist taking a spin the bathroom, you know, just to see what was up.

Where I found the teeniest tiniest littlest spot of spotting. And then freaked the fuck out. In my defense, I do have a cerclage and they keep pounding it into me that we have to get to 24 weeks.

So I called the doctor on call and when I described what I was feeling, she said she needed to recommend that I come on in. Better safe than sorry. But the good news was that at 21 weeks, I was eligible to go straight to OB triage and skip the ER admit! Well, giddyup.

They strapped me to a fetal monitor and I waited for the doctor to make an appearance. The Blob, however, was very much against the fetal monitoring and showed his displeasure by kicking the spot where the monitor was. Repeatedly. With great vigor.

The doctor came in and chatted and then pulled out a speculum to take a gander. He pronounced the stitches in place and my cervix tightly closed.

But since I was feeling the pressure, a new caveat was added. One hour sitting up, 30 minutes lying down. Who ever said this wasn’t fun? This is big fun.

So now I work, rest, work, rest, work, rest. It's funny how fast an hour goes when you know you have to stop what you are doing at the end of it.

So things are fine. Just more resting. Who knew bedrest meant rest? Hee.

Weekend at bedrest

Weekend was fine. Not really anything to report.

I had some sharp little pains that lasted less than 3 seconds in the cervical area, a few times on Saturday night and Sunday. Determined I was A. Not spotting, B. Not contracting and C. Freaking out for no reason.

Talked to my mom, who thinks I am just healing from the surgery. Plausible, yes.

On Sunday, get ready for this, I laid in the couch downstairs all day. Nice change of scenery. Watched some baseball and some Sunday night TV and then went back to the bedroom.

I am a barrel of fun I tell you.

This is what most of my time consists of.



Josh and I have determined this is the greatest thing to ever happen to the cats. They are orgasmically happy about having someone to lie around with all day. I honestly think they will be so sad when this ends.

And just because they are cute and I am boring, here are a few more gratuitous cat shots.

The exploding belly

Bedrest: check.

Cervix: check.

Baby: check.

Boredom: ?

Is it bad that I am not bored yet? I am kind of enjoying this lying around hanging out doing nothing business. I watch some TV and surf quite a bit and generally just relax.

Josh's sister, Marnie, was here preggo-sitting (as she amusingly calls it) and she wistfully said she hopes they put her on bedrest at the two-week mark because this is her dream. I must admit, it's not such a bad gig right now.

I kind of view myself as an incubator.

And with all this extra time to surf the Internets, I can find some pretty random shit.

Let me present Exhibit A.



You may ask yourself "Self, what in the sam hell is that?!"

Well, here is your answer. "In this photo provided by Everglades National Park, the carcass of a 6-foot alligator is shown protruding from the gut of a 13-foot Burmese python last week in the park. Scientists think the snake exploded because the gator fought back after being swallowed."

WHAT!?

That is the craziest shit I have ever seen. You know the old adage about your eyes being bigger than your stomach? Ummm, yeah. Snake, what were you thinking? I am not sure how the logistics of a snake swallowing an animal that could bite it in half actually works, but the story sheds a little light.

"'If the python got a good grip on the alligator before the alligator got a good grip on him, he could win,' said Frank Mazzotti, a University of Florida wildlife professor who is an expert on gators and other reptiles.

Mazzotti thinks that as the gator was being swallowed, it clawed at the python's stomach, making the snake burst."

And that ladies and gentlemen, is what I imagine will happen in the 40th week of pregnancy. You stomach gets so big it just pops.

Three's company

Yesterday was my follow up ultrasound and it could not have gone better!

They said that I am up to a 3 in thickness, which considering I was a 0 a mere four days previous, seems like I hit the jackpot. They said I am closed and the stitches are holding so seems like everything is just peachy.

I had a little positive thinking going, so I wore my "February" maternity T-shirt and my Seven jeans. A girl has to look cute and stylish, even on bedrest. Although I am neither cute nor stylish as I type this with a pair of boxers and a T-shirt from a softball tournament in 1996 on my body.

I wanted Josh to bring me my Cardinals T-shirt home from our other house, and when he went to get it out of the drawer, this conversation ensued over IM:

Josh says: this shirt won't fit you
Josh says: plus its for when its hot out
Amy says: are you implying I am fat?
Amy says: :)
Josh says: no
Josh says: pregnant
Amy says: my red Cards shirt????
Josh says: yes
Amy says: its pretty loose on me

See this is the wishful thinking of a pregnant bedrest lady. As I am actually carrying pretty small so far, I can still fit into most of my T-shirts, they are just a little short. OK, pretty short. But as long as I am scrubbing around anyway, I might as well start letting my tummy hang out. It's so attractive. Especially to Josh, since you know, I am on pelvic rest for the duration.

Pelvic rest is code for "you ain't havin' no sex for months suckas."

And that really sucks it (ha, get it, sucks it). Am clever. Not.

The pregnancy sex drive had just started kicking in. And now, not so much. Booooo. That was one of the things everyone talks about being so awesome. And it was, if just for a short time. Sigh.

Siege continues: Day two

Day two was suspiciously like Day one! Lots of surfing, lots of reading, a little TV. I showered and got dressed around 2 p.m. and really did not have much of an appetite.

My friend, Leah, came over in the evening and brought Sushi and then Josh went and got us all a little Cold Stone Creamery. Just what the bedrest lady needs -- ice cream. My ass should be nice and wide four months from now.

But I am feeling a little better in terms of my cold. I have gone from "Please kill me now" on Saturday to "Death would be preferable" on Sunday to "Please God let this absurd hacking cough subside" today.

So, you know, progress.

The scary watery spotting episodes subsided to one today, down from the three yesterday, so that's also nice.

I also had my first feeling of helplessness today. Josh had brought my lunch upstairs before he went out to run an errand. I had some pizza and a salad. Soon after he left, I went to grab the salad and, although it had a cover on it, it fell on the floor. I was able to pick it up, but unfortunately, my fork was MIA.

I tried to send out a search party for it to no avail. I could not see my sad little lost fork. I also could not look for it myself because it was trapped between the bed and the little desk Josh had put next to the bed. The desk was too heavy to move, so I was stuck.

When Josh got home, he asked why I did not just eat the salad WITH MY HANDS. I told him he was ridiculous. There was some discussion about the eating of salads with one's hands, which got us no where.

Let me just go on the record: croutons, spinach, lettuce and dressing belongs on a fork, not on my fingers. I stand firm on that.

Bedrest: Day one

Well, I made it through my first day of bedrest.

I slept til about 8:45 a.m., surfed the net a little, tried to shower and got scared of some watery spotting, watched some TV, successfully showered at around 2 p.m., watched some more TV, gabbed on the phone for like two hours straight, then got freaked out by some more watery spotting.

I called the answering service and the doctor on call gave me a ring and said what I was describing sounded pretty normal and that as a cerclage patient, my threshhold for calling should be pretty low and I should call whenever I need to.

That was very nice.

Josh has been awesome. He went and got me breakfast and lunch and then we ordered pizza for dinner. Our friend Kevin stopped over and we all watched Monday Night Football and chowed down on the pizza.

One day down, 26 to go until I am 24 weeks.

I am finding it hard to be snarky while I am so scared. So hopefully the snark will return after my followup ultrasound on Wednesday. I mean it has to doesn't it? There will be dildocamming! That's worth something in my book.

Cerclage -- it sounds so French

So the cerclage is in. And it went as well as could be expected for a procedure on a cervix, which is so small it barely exists.

I went down to surgery around 8:15 a.m. on Saturday and went to the recovery room where I would end up afterward. The nurse took my vitals and whatnot and told me they were running a little behind, but that it should not be long. Josh was able to wait with me in the room, which was nice.

There were a few tears on my part and Josh was really awesome and supportive. After that I kind if relaxed a little and actually smiled and joked. I was more scared about the epidural at that point than the actual surgery.

The doctor came in at around 10 a.m. and said there was a little backup with the anesthesiologist because there were some emergency C-sections. Within five minutes he arrived and gave me the lowdown on the epidural and it was time to go.

I said goodbye to Josh and they wheeled me down the hall to the operating room. The room was about 55 degrees and I was wearing a thin little gown, so I was freezing. They had me sit on the edge of the bed and a nurse stood in front of me to help me keep still and keep my lower back in the right position and my chin to my chest.

He stuck me with the Lidocaine shot first and it was not bad at all. Then I could feel them sticking something deeper into my back and I think I made a little noise more from the fact I knew it was happening than because it was hurting me.

Within about 5 seconds my legs felt hot and they were laying me down. My legs were tingling by the time I hit the table and within about 45 seconds I could not feel them at all.

The resident got to arranging my legs in the hanging stirrups and the anesthesiologist got my heart monitor hooked up and placed a pulse thing on my right index finger and then placed an oxygen mask over my face. In about a minute I started to feel nauseas and told them that, but that I did not think I was going to throw up. They said they had given me some meds in my IV to bring my blood pressure up because it had dropped from 110 to 93. They said they had stopped that med though and that the nausea would subside in a second, which it did.

The doctor came in and away we went. I heard the resident say she was cleaning the area, but I didn't feel a thing. But it was pretty classy that I am pretty much spread-eagle on the table, facing out toward the door that opened onto a hallway. Goooooood morning!

Once the procedure got underway I just concentrated on taking deep breaths and trying to sneak peeks on what was going on in the reflection on the ceiling light.

I could see them pulling out sponges that were red and finally I saw them pull out the speculum, so I knew we were through. The doctor came up to the head of the table and told me everything had gone well, but that they actually could see the membranes bulging a bit so it had turned into a rescue cerclage. He was able to give me about 1 cm with two stitches. "Still not great," he said. He then said he was going to go out and talk to Josh and my parents and his mom.

I was under the impression that my legs were still bent in the stirrups so imagine my surprise when they pulled down the curtain and I was under blankets on the table, legs flat and together. They called the surgery complete at 11:20 a.m.

They moved me to the gurney and we went back to recovery where Josh was waiting. They said I would need to stay there for a little monitoring and once I could move my feet, I would probably be able to go back to my room. The nurse cleared me for ice chips and broth, so I had some of those. But the broth was so nasty, I didn't want it. Ended up realizing that the taste it had left in my mouth was really a metallic taste that was caused by the antibiotics they had started in my IV. So they hooked me up to a blood pressure machine and listened to the baby (he was great, totally unaffected, but must have been slightly pissed because his normally 150 heartbeat was 162).

I started to be able to wiggle my toes maybe 45-50 minutes after I came to recovery, but I ended up waiting almost two hours because my nurse had to assist on an emergency C-section.

After I got up to the room I was getting some pretty good yelping from my cervix. The cramping was kind of painful and steady, not at all like contractions (or what I think contractions would feel like). I didn't want any Motrin because I wanted to be able to feel what was going on in case it got worse. I was lying there with my mom and Josh's mom for about an hour when my friends came to visit.

Josh had gone back home after the surgery because we had three people working on the house (my dad was painting, his dad was fixing the furnace and washer and my brother-in-law was building a new wall for the baby's room upstairs).

Once I got to chatting with Sam, Nancy and Leah, I kind of forgot about the pain and when they left around 5, I realized the cramping had subsided.

Since I was on an IV, someone had to help drag the pole to the bathroom every time I went. The first two times I had to pee it hurt like a mofo, but I figured it was just residual from the catheter. The nurse said it probably was. I also had some pink bleeding, which is to be expected when you stick five needle holes in your cervix.

The two moms left and my sister came to sit with me for a while until Josh came back around 9:45 p.m.

I got a shitty night's sleep because I have a terrible head cold and was so congested I couldn't breathe. When the nurse came in at 5:30 a.m. for meds, I pretty much stayed awake until the resident came on her rounds at 7:15 a.m.

The doctor stopped in around 9 a.m. to speak to us further. He basically told us that right now our biggest worry is infection, hence all the heavy-duty antibiotics. If they would find an infection, they would recommend delivering the baby immediately, even if it could not survive.

He also said I just need to take it easy and rest in bed and try to get past 24 weeks. Once we get to 24 week, he said we will meet with a neonatologist to discuss the care of such a preemie. He said there is no point in meeting with them now, as the baby would not survive if it was born. That was a sobering point.

So I will go and see him on Wednesday for a check and a vaginal ultrasound -- the return of the Dildocam! Yes! And weekly! Even better!

He also told me for this week, bed rest means rest. So I am off work. We'll see on Wednesday where things stand. Unfortunately, my condition on Wednesday is not an indicator of future behavior. We just don't know what will happen.

So I came home around noon and went straight to my bed. I am blogging here and watching TV and hanging with Max and reading all about cerclage on the internet. I think it's good to be home.