My cervix, it is incompetent

Well, first off, the blob is a Boy. Still.

And he's perfect and healthy and no markers for any chromosome or genetic defects. Yay!

We got some great shots of him and his little feet and his knees and his hands and I could just eat him he's so cute.

What is not so cute? My cervix. Apparently, I do not have one.

During the ultrasound they saw something and wanted to check it further. Out came the dildocam! Oh dildocam, how I have missed you in the last 12 weeks.

And then in came the doctor, who after reading the ultrasound, concurred that yes, my cervix, it is not competant. In fact, it is incompetant. Bad cervix, bad.

They recommended a cerclage, which is a procedure in where they stitch your uterus closed for the duration of your pregnancy to keep that baby in place. Without it, I will surely go into pre-term labor and the baby would not make it as I am only 20 weeks.

I was told to rest all day and come back for the procedure tomorrow at 9 a.m. Being a bit freaked out about going home, they offered to keep me overnight for monitoring and I jumped at the chance.

So here I am on the prenatal monitoring floor being prenatally monitored. I have a fun little IV thingy in my arm and they will come in every once in a while to check me. I also started some meds to reduce the amount of amniotic fluid so they can have a little more room above the cervix during the surgery.

Basically they said they recommend this procedure for anyone who is less than 2.5 something-or-other measurement. I am at 0. I quipped that I never like to do anything half-ass. So when other cervixes, those which are competant and know how to do their jobs, are shaped like a straight line, mine is shaped like a very shallow bowl.

Bah.

So we will wait. And watch the cervix. And hope that this works for at least another 8 weeks so we can get to the point where the Blob's lungs are developed enough to live outside the womb.

Growth chart

I swear this child is growing as we speak.

For the last two days I have been so sore. It feels like someone is stretching me on the sides and bottom of my abdominal cavity. That must be round ligament pain. And that is oh so fun!

Today, it's like little sharp cramps. They come and go very quickly right in the center of my lower stomach.

This is fun!

And the Blob really likes grapefruit juice. I know this because I drink a glass in the mornings these days and about 30 minutes later, it's a kickfest in the ole uterus. Which is really funny. Thump, thump, thump.

Tomorrow is the big 20-week ultrasound. Yeeha.

Let's make sure this Blob is still a boy.

What a weekend

Man, what a weekend. Friday we attended a cooking class with Josh's parents. Yummy! Friday night after cooking class, my brother-in-law arrived to start building the walls for the baby's room. YAY! So we trekked over to Home Depot, since our Home Depot is open until midnight. We? Are lucky.

Then Saturday, I woke up early and the hammering and nailing commenced and there was drywall dust all over my upstairs and insulation on the floor and wow, was that ever fun. I also hauled ass like a crazy person all day long getting ready for a bridal shower I was throwing with three friends. My friend, Leah, who was hosting at her house, had to go out of town for a funeral and my other friend, Nancy, had to work at the Cubs game as did our other friend, Liz. So it was lil’ ole me in charge beforehand.

So I picked up flowers at Costco (on a Saturday, good God, save me) and then picked up some tables and chairs. And then I got Josh to help me unload said tables and chairs. And then it I went to pick up all the food. And then I went back to Leah's to move said tables and chairs OUT of the pouring rain.

One by one.

In the rain.

Did I mention it was raining?

Yeah so then I rushed back home and showered and straightened my hair and went back to Leah's to get ready for the party. Except after it rained? It was very humid? So yeah, stupid wavy hair.

And then a bottle of red wine exploded in my face while I was trying to open it. Literally, it was like on TV. I was covered with red wine. Good thing I was wearing black. And the red wine -- yeah, it stings like a mofo when it gets in your eye. Word to the wise.

So the shower went off without a hitch and I cleaned up and went home and went to bed.

Sunday was much more fun, as I went maternity clothes shopping with my sister and my mom. And I bought like 10 shirts! Yay!!!! Since I am pretty much growing out of all my clothes at an alarming rate, it was necessary.

We also checked out a few things for the Baby Registry at Target and bought a couple outfits for the Blob.

Then we came home and got all stressed out about the work needed to be DONE, DONE BY 7! WE MUST LEAVE AT 7! Or the world will stop spinning on its axis. Hurry, hurry.

At 8:15 we finally left the house. Ummmmm, yeah. And then I ate Arbys on the way back to Bloomington in the car. Mmmmmm Arbys. Except they screwed us and shorted us two packs of curly fries. People! We ordered three fries and got one. For three people. That was very sad.

OK so that was my big exciting weekend. Blah. I needed to update, so that was my sucky attempt at it. Sorry for the stream of consciousness.

Red, red walls

Today I was productive. I painted the door to the bathroom closet.

You see, I was feeling a little guilty. The bathroom, it took six coats of paint. No, I am not exaggerating. We painted white walls a deep red and we didn't prime

I use the plural pronoun, when really, it was Josh who painted. Pregnant ladies aren't supposed to paint in enclosed spaces and trust me when I tell you, the bathroom, it is enclosed.

So I would encourage him and make fun comments like, "You missed a spot" from the doorway and then go back to lying in bed. At one point, I believe I went and got a pedicure while he was painting.

Evil.

So since we had the door off the hinges, I figured I could paint that in the hall. Which I did. But lordy lordy, it still took three coats. AND I had primed it.

Did I mention that bending over ever 3 seconds to dip the brush into the can makes a pregnant lady sore? Man. That sucked.

But now, we have a red door. Inside and out. Josh pointed out to me that no one sees the inside of the door, since it's a folding door, but I pooh-poohed him. I wanted it red on all sides.

So after we (there I go again with the “we” stuff) take down the ugly wood vanity lights and replace them with SHINY! NEW! SILVER! lights, we should be done. For people who weren't going to re-do the upstairs bathroom, because ya know, we have 17 other projects that are more pressing, we certainly spent a shitload of time and money on paint, new faucets, new towels, new rugs, new shower curtains and new lights.

But, it will be pretty and less yellow! And less yellow in the bathroom is a good thing because you know, that's where I put on my makeup and who wants to look all sallow and shit, especially when you are pregnant?

Wait, wait, wait

Went to the doctor today. And let me just say, what IS it with appointment times? Why oh why do they schedule so damn many people for the same time if they know there is no way in heeeellllll that they are seeing them all on time?

I arrived at 1:14 for my 1:15 appointment. There was one other woman signed in for my doctor before me. Ok, cool. They hand me the cup, I pee, fantastic.

I wait about 5 minutes in the waiting room. I read a lovely article about Katie Couric in Ladies Home Journal. They called me in. Super!

And then I got weighed. And I am only up 5 pounds since pre-pregnancy, and 3 pounds in the last five weeks. Yay me! My blood pressure was 100/70. Hi, model patient. And then the nurse said my doctor would be right in.

So I waited, and waited, and waited some more. I finished my magazine and took a phone call from my sister and then studied the pictures of the cervix. Because, you know, one can never be too prepared to perform an emergency pap smear.

Finally, 45 minutes later, my doctor comes in.

Asks if I feel the baby moves, gives me the lowdown on the AFP test that screens for some abnormalities, takes a gander at the size of my uterus and listens to the baby's heartbeat.

Which, if I could digress for a moment, was hilarious. She was trying to listen and the Blob kept moving all over the place and she laughed and said, "That's an active one." And I said oh yes, I feel it all the time. She said the heartbeat was somewhere in the 150s, but she couldn't get it to stay in one place long enough.

It's a fidgeter, just like it's father.

So after a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am 7 minutes, I was out the door.

Total time away from the house, and therefore away from work: 90 minutes. Total time spent chilling on the table: 45 minutes. Total time spent with the doctor: 7 minutes. Total time spent eating fettucine alfredo to "celebrate" my five pounds of weight gain: 10 minutes.

Moving all around

So I have been feeling the baby move pretty regularly now for about 10 days. At first it was only when I was lying down, and kind of infrequent. Now, it's several times a day, sometimes when I am sitting working, most times I lie down and also in the car.

So I can only deduce the Blob doesn't like it when I cease all activity. It must enjoy the jostling.

So Wednesday night, we had just gotten back home and I had just gotten into bed and the Blob was being rather un-blobby and moving all over the place. I can't really describe the sensation -- it's kind of like a poke, but from the inside. Sometimes it feels like it must be turning somersaults because it feels like that weird stomach-dropping sensation.

So anyway, back to Wednesday. I could feel it poking so I put my hand on my stomach and for the first time, I felt it kick me. Weird! So I yell downstairs for Josh.

He comes upstairs all annoyed and is all "what?"

And I said, "Come here and give me your hand."

And he said, "Can you feel it?"

And then he said, "Oh my gosh, I feel it!"

It was such a great schmoopie moment. It was the best thing about this pregnancy so far. I was so excited that he could feel it finally and he looked at me as he laid next to me and said, "There's a baby in there."

Yeah, I guess there is!

What's that aboot Canada, eh?

World travelers that we are, we are back from a weekend in Toronto with our friends, Dan and Erin. We DROVE there. Ten hours in the car. So that was good times. I slept from 10 p.m. to 3 a.m., so what did I really care, but man, what a pain in the ass.

But it was all in the name of Pearl Jam. Josh, he loves them. I think he might have married Eddie Vedder instead of me if it was possible. Seen them many, many times. But this time, we saw them in Canada.

The venue was very small -- it only sat about 6,000 -- and we were in the seventh row, center. We got ridiculous pictures and at the end, I, the Greatest Wife In The History Of All Mankind, caught a drumstick that was thrown in the crowd.



Sing it, Eddie.

I think I have cemented my position forever. If this was the old days in China and Josh took a concubine, I would still be the favorite. (Forgive me for the odd reference, but I just finished "Snow Flower and the Secret Fan," which was about china and footbinding and this friendship between two women and it was a fabulous read. It's our September Book Club choice in case you were wondering.)

Aaaaanyway.

So in Toronto, we hung out and tried to spot some stars in town for the Film Festival. We didn't see any, however. Booooo. We were also on the list for a few parties, but unfortunately, we did not really bring any nice "going to a premiere and mingling with A-listers" clothes, so we did not go.



We also shopped and I bought a sweater since it was so chilly and almost cried in the dressing room because not a damn thing fits me these days. I scared the bejesus out of myself as well with one of those fake pregnancy pillows they give you to see who clothes will fit you when you get bigger.

Oh.

My.

God.

I looked pregnant. It was scary. I had to take it off and sit down. It was quite a reality check. I am going to be a HUGE ASS MOFO by the winter. I still cannot wrap my mind around that. Discuss amongst yourselves.

We also visited the Taste of Toronto and walked around the downtown a bit.

If you were there this weekend, you may have seen the Tummy That Ate Toronto. Run for your lives, it's huge.



We went to some bars, had the best pizza EVER and then went to some more bars. The next day we went to the Distillery District, which was really neat. As you can see, Josh is looking for an escape route, lest the tummy take him over as well.



We then watched some football, since duh! Josh had to monitor his fantasy team, then drove the hour to the town where the concert was. We drive back home Monday morning. No more trips for a few weeks, I am so sick of being away from home!

Tanned, rested and relaxed

So we are back from beautiful Barbados. And it was fabulous, relaxing and fun. We laid on lounge chairs at the beach, swam in the ocean and the pool, Josh learned how to windsurf and we hit a few local spots for dinners.

All in all, a great trip.

But, one might think that at four months pregnant, I might be showing to other people by now. Apparently, not so much.

Of course, to myself, I look very poochy. But I have found that looking at your stomach from above, it looks much larger than looking at it from the side. Must be one of those weird physics things.

So I was talking to a woman at the beach who had her one-year-old son with her. he was so cute and he was playing in a little blow up pool because when they let him sit on the sand, he would eat it. And he would cry while he was eating it because he did not like it, but the mom said he did not know any better, so he would keep on eating it. Kids are very weird, but OK.

So I told the woman that we would be having one in February. She said, "Oh that's nice." And went on with something else. After about three minutes, she paused and said, in her very cute British accent, "Wait, YOU are having a baby in FEBRUARY?" She said she could not tell I was pregnant at all.

HELLO! I WAS WEARING A BIKINI!

So my sneaking suspicion that I did not look pregnant and just looked fat was confirmed. Everyone at the resort probably thought I was one of those Europeans who don't care what they look like in a bikini and just wear one anyway.

Obviously, it's not like I know these people or will ever see them again. But yes, I am very vain. And I care what people think of me. So for people to think I was fat makes me sad. I don't care if that makes me shallow, it is what it is.

So I present to you a few pictures from the trip, and two shots where you can kind of see the tummy -- one swimsuit, one full clothed.