A Festivus for the rest of us

Happy Festivus!

In honor of this holiday, I am announcing all the ways I have been wronged over the last year. Of course, I can't perform the feats of strength, what with the being in bed and all, and we don't have an aluminum pole, unless you count the exposed conduit in the downstairs.

But, by God, I will make it through the wrongs. Seeing as this could take the better part of a day, I shall just list a few.

1. The cervix. The shitty, shitty cervix. Need I say more?

2. The people who tried to sell us a house with $100,000 of needed foundation work. Granted, we did get out of the deal, but come ON. Your house was falling down. Like you didn't know that -- or that there was a dead rat in plain site in the basement.

3. The stupid girls who rented our house before we moved in and almost ruined the house by running the furnace at 48 degrees. Nonstop. So the water poured down into the garden apartment. Stupid bitches.

4. The mean lady at the American Airlines counter, who first told us we would never make the flight and to get back in line, then the next lady who told us if we ran, we would make it, and then the gate agent, who would not let the pregnant lady on the plane after the pregnant lady ran a gazillion miles through O'Hare WITH HER CARRYON DRAGGING BEHIND HER.

5. The person who broke into our car while I was in the hospital on bedrest. This person stole our CDs and some change and hello, the car was parked there because my husband was sleeping in a chair while his pregnant wife tried to keep the baby inside her a little longer. Hope that burned copy of The White Stripes is keeping him warm at night.

I could go on, but you get the gist.

I was wronged. I am airing my grievances. I am moving on.

On a more serious note, I wish all of you out there on the Internets a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hanukkah and if that doesn't cover everyone, then Happy Holidays.

May your holiday celebrations be filled with fun, family, friends and competent cervixes.