No one tells you this stuff

When one person acts like an idiot to another, pregnant person, that pisses the pregnant person off. I'm just sayin'. Don't piss off the pregnant woman.

I think the Blob is punching me. Like all the time. I get these random, weird cramps all day long. Like it lasts for a second and then goes away. Happens again a few minutes later. It's like a little twinge pain lower in my stomach area.

Obviously it's the uterus growing and stretching and pushing my organs up into my throat. That should make it so much easier to digest food. I mean if it goes down my throat and only has to travel 2 inches to my intestines, you would think that would be good.

The movement of the internal organs is a little freaky. Like where could they possibly go? There's really not that much room. And the ab muscles! I hear your ab muscles separate and just "move to the side." What!?

How will I sit up if my abs are on the side? Why do your muscles do that? It's just weird.

I feel like there's this whole secret society of people who know what happens to your body when you are pregnant and no one ever tells you. There is so much you don't know until it happens and then all these women just nod their heads and smile. "Oh yes, I remember that."

Dude, if you remember, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME? I mean it's enough that the boobs are getting ridiculously large. You could have told me about the cramps and the soreness and the fact your hip feels like it is falling out of the socket when you get up in the morning.

I have a friend who is 31 weeks pregnant and while she is big, she's not HUUUUUGE. But she's so much bigger than me and we're only 17 weeks difference. In 17 weeks I am going to get THAT big? Jaysus. I'll be a lot bigger if I continue to eat like crap.

Two days ago I ate two lunches. The first was at noon, when I ate about a half-cup of leftover spaghetti. At 2 p.m. I thought I might starve to death, so I busted out a BLT. It was great. But two lunches? I ain't going to keep it to 2 pounds like that.