Calm before the storm

So we are back from the relaxing vacation. I wish I was still there. We read a lot, laid by the pool, took a little boat cruise, went out for dinners and played some mini-golf. It was exactly what this girl needed before embarking on the Great Home Remodel of 2005.

In two weeks, we move to the new house. And then it begins.

We're moving the furnace and water heater. We're widening doorways. We're knocking down existing walls. We're building new walls. We're completely ripping out the kitchen. We have a bathroom (according to me) that needs desperate modifications. It's yellow, people. Do you know what that does for a complexion? But it's just fine (according to Josh). We also need new carpeting in the bedrooms and probably a good refinishing on the hardwood floors downstairs.

So yeah, I think we have our hands full for the next several months.

Currently, we are in the middle of packing.

We have made some progress. We have completed the office, our bedroom closet, my 3,476 books on the shelves in the living room, Josh's dresser contents and the bakeware. I feel like things are taking shape.

I am hosting my book club at the house on Thursday because no one else volunteered. We have a lovely patio out back with a gazebo. It's also supposed to be 95 on Thursday. I told the girls unless anyone melts into a little puddle in front of my very eyes, there will be book club OUTDOORS.

That is, unless they want to discuss "The Handmaid's Tale" from several different locations on the house as we yell over stacks of boxes.

I am starting to worry because I want all of this to be done by the beginning of February. Because, duh, the baby is coming and the baby needs to have the 42-inch cherry cabinets installed and will only eat food out of the Subzero fridge that is warmed on the Viking stove.

The baby really wants to luxuriate in a new bathtub too. With a tumbled marble surround. Baby likes nice shit.

Unfortunately, nice shit -- yeah it costs money. Lots of money. Money we do not have saved up anymore because we spent it all on the expensive-ass house in Lincoln Park. I mean hi, we have to live up to standards now. We can't be the ghetto house with the ugly carpet and the white walls right?

HA. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

I know this will not happen overnight. I know these things will take time. But I ain't got time. I ain't got money either. Maybe I could pimp myself out at the Home Depot in exchange for some labor? I mean what screams "sexy" more than a fat chick with maternity jeans?