Who wants one?

Remember when I said I was going to be more diligent about my blogging? Yeah, I lied.

But today I was inspired.

Brooke Shields was on Oprah, discussing her post-partum depression. And it was fascinating. She talked about how hard she worked to get this baby, IVF and a miscarriage and yada yada, and then she didn't even want her. She said after she got home from the hospital, she didn't want the baby around. In fact, she thought to herself, "She can't live here. Let's start over."

I am terrified that this will be me.

I am really not all that into the idea of a baby as it is. I mean sure, I love the cats and sometimes I get a little teary when they're being so unbelievably cute (gag) but the idea of an actual baby scares the bejesus out of me.

I am scared I will go through the nine months and bring this thing home with me and I will want to return it. And while I have not researched it extensively, I am pretty sure there is no 90-day-money-back guarantee at the labor and delivery room.

You see, I am intrigued by the actual act of conception. I think I see it as a challenge, something I can accomplish. Like if I do enough research and we time it right, it should happen.

But then I might actually HAVE a baby. And I am still unsure about that part.

Josh says once I have a baby, I will of course love it. He pointed out that I didn't even want cats before and now I can't imagine it without them.

But I have this nagging feeling. I can't shake it. I have always had it.

When Josh and I talk about trying to get pregnant, we always say "trying." We never say "trying to have a baby." We have never once even called it a "baby" -- we always refer to it as "a kid."

As in, "Well we can't got to Asia if we have a kid." or "Well that would be perfect if we have a kid by then."

I am not sure everyone feels that way. And that's what's so scary.

Maybe there's such a thing as pre-partum depression? And if so, I think I might have it.