Rib spreaders!

When your husband looks at you and says, "I think I am having chest pains," you don't think twice about it. You kick it into caregiver mode and declare that he should go to the hospital.

And that's what happened to us on Monday afternoon.

Josh came home for lunch, as he usually does, and scarfed some pizza and a Sprite. I was about to head out to grab a salad from Panera, and as I grabbed a five-spot and the car keys from him, he mentioned the chest pain.

After he debated it for about 15 minutes, and then called his mom to see what she thought, we hopped in the car and went to the ER.

Apparently, the key to getting immediate care at the ER is to announce you are a 29-year-old man with chest pain. I have never seen such swift service. I swear, the next time I think I have broken a bone, I am going to declare that I have chest pain, oh and this nagging little bone sticking out of my arm too.

The tests were clear. It turned out to be just an inflammation of the lining of his chest wall.

But of course, this all comes back to me doesn't it?

It is my blog after all.

So we sat there for four hours. And I am using Ovulation Predictor Kits these days to see if I am actually going to ovulate.

Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That was a good one. Ovulate. I kill myself sometimes.

Oh yes, sorry, back to the segue.

I had been trying not to pee for four hours so that the sample would not be diluted. So I had last peed at 9 a.m. It was now 4:45 and my bladder was bursting. So Josh asks can we stop at his office right quick to pick something up.

"There's no way I am going to make it, I really have to pee," I said.

"Amy, just go here. The bathroom is right there," Josh said.

"No. I can't. I have to pee at home."

"WHY? It's right there."

"BEACAUSE I have to take an ovulation test and it's at home. I have to make sure it's negative for the 12th day in a row."

Rolling of the eyes ensued.

So I went home and peed. It was negative. As it has been the last two days. I have spent hours looking at samples of OPKs online. (Who knew -- there's a site out there called peeonastick.com) Looooots of pictures. None look like mine.

I am convinced this is an annovulatory cycle. My temp chart looks like the Himalayas and I could fund a small African village for a year with the cost of these tests. Sigh. But you can bet your ass I am peeing on a stick again tomorrow!